Am I cynical?
Alright, dont think that the title is complete. I should have added that if the answer is yes, then is being cynical bad? Not that it would have much difference. If you are already on page, then the chances are that you know me, and will either close your browser or go on to read this musing just to find out if my cynicism has reduced?
I worked in a large IT firm for around 3 years. The only months (days?) that I enjoyed were when my training was on during the initial 2 months. I have hated every second after that. To me my manager conveyed what the company stood for. He was never ready to listen, take a feedback or respect the other person. It was not a symbiotic relationship, but a one way discourse. No questions were entertained, individualism was not given credit and a different approach that was not a part of the "process" was looked down upon. Every morning it was impossible for me to motivate myself to go to office for the sole reason that I did not want to see my manger's face. But then we have been taught never to quit and I also had my aim towards further studies. So my manager was just a stop gap arrangement that I had to ignore till the time I escaped from his clutches.
Well MBA did happen and I found myself among the people selected in a reputed B School in India. Like the first few weeks into my job, I was full of enthusiasm and had a lot of dreams. These weeks were as good as they could have been. But then as time passes you begin to notice flaws. Familiarity breeds contempt they say. I am too new to this place to judge what character it is made of. So it would not be fair to pass a comment on the institution. But yes, the interactions as an individual and in groups with the seniors has given birth to those nightmares that I thought I had buried in the past. I see in them my manager present in varying degrees. Though they have not reached that stage, but their larger number surely makes the matter graver. There is total lack of empathy in meetings, juniors are not given a chance to speak their mind, individualism is curbed and feedbacks are stifled. Is this the kind of manager that I would like to become? The answer is an unequivocal NO. But then I said I was cynical, so if you did not like any of the things I have written, please ignore it as a folly due to my bitter nature, and ya please don't fine me...........